Grow Paint Cook

I’ve been reflecting about winter.  It’s a season that has been a challenge for me for many years. What does winter symbolize for me?  How can I make the most of this season and keep my balance? What did people do before artificial lighting and entertainment?  If winter is the death of one year and rebirth of another, how does that translate into my life.

Mentally I tell myself that I should be raring to go in January, enthusiastic about new year resolutions, inspired by everyone else’s resolutions floating around the blogosphere, as if I should feel something different on 1 January.  But I don’t.  In nature the new year really starts in Spring, with a rebirth, and not on some arbitrary date on the Gregorian calendar.

Every year it used to seem to me as if the period from September to December is the busiest time of the year, and it used to feel as if at times I had to force myself through all of the things that needed doing: the children going back to school with all the work that entails – buying supplies, new winter clothes, schedules to organize, subscriptions to be made, and it seems like most of the year’s school programme seems to be covered in that 3 month period!  September comes just after the holidays, when most are rested and raring to go, but just when we feel like slowing down and our bodies need to sleep more, things start building up to the intensity of Christmas.  Not to mention the three birthdays in October/Nov in our family, so that’s more doing – parties, presents, etc.

And yet, if we look to nature, that is the very period when everything is starting to slow down, the days are getting shorter and shorter and most of nature is preparing to sleep for the winter.  Surely that’s what we should be doing too?  I suppose for me a lot of all that doing from September to December was exceptionally busy, as I was the one responsible for the children, their schooling, keeping them fed and clothed, organizing the parties, presents and Christmas.  It has always been a great pleasure to do all of that and I wouldn’t change it for the world, but I am aware that I often go beyond the call of duty simply because I enjoy the whole creative process so much, so it did mean that I had very little time or energy to enjoy it myself.  I realize now that in my quest for balance, I would just do more of other things to try and compensate.

I suppose what affected me most was the imbalance – too much doing and not enough being.  So much time and effort spent on material things – buying gifts, preparing decorations, etc. and not enough on the truly enjoyable reasons for these celebrations – getting together and enjoying just being together, and reaping the rewards of the year’s hard work.  It’s always all about balance.

Last winter little did I imagine or desire that my reflecting, probing and questioning would lead to the end of my marriage!  But I suppose sometimes a breakdown is necessary before a breakthrough can come about.  So since September the children have been living alternate weeks between their father and me now that we are separated.  Although this was completely against my will, and I didn’t believe it was in the best interests of the children, the upside is that the practical tasks involved in raising the children are finally being shared, so all that “doing” has slowed down for me somewhat this winter, and I feel more in balance.

This Christmas was much quieter, spent with people I feel most at home with.  Just a peaceful, simple Christmas lunch (guinea fowl this year – yum!) with me and my girls, accompanied by much laughter.  Daughter 1 came home from uni, so having my three girls together was the best present I could hope for.  I bought a few presents for their stockings, and other gifts I made.  Here’s an owl cushion I made for Daughter 1, and a couple of other gifts I made from my stash of vintage fabrics.

I also spent some time with good friends – near Munich by the lakes, and then in Auvergne in France, which was ressourcing for me.

So what does it mean to be more in the “being” rather than the “doing”?  The doing becomes secondary to the being.  It is a time of reflection, looking inward, conserving energy and gathering strength, feeling gratitude for what I have today, letting go of what no longer serves, while reaping my rewards from my work throughout the previous year, and planning the next.

In 2012, I intend to increase my awareness of this natural rhythm and try and imitate nature as much as possible.  Life becomes simpler when we can go with the flow, and not force things nor be in a state of resistance or desire to control.  Instead of waiting for Spring, I intend to find ways to enjoy the present – this slowed down state and occasional mood difficulties – rather than try and find artificial solutions to change or disguise it.

Daughter 1 made me this wall hanging as a Christmas gift, which I think pretty much sums up what I am trying to say:

Well, I seem to be on some kind of gratitude roll here.

I’ve been singing this one line all morning – “always look on the bright side of life”, but couldn’t remember where it came from.  I glad I looked it up.

So, enjoy and have a good chuckle, especially anyone currently facing problems in their life, feeling dragged down, not knowing how to find a solution.

As a dear friend of mine said this week, “perspective, perspective, perspective…”.

Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you’re chewing on life’s gristle
Don’t grumble, give a whistle
And this’ll help things turn out for the best…

And…always look on the bright side of life…
Always look on the light side of life…

If life seems jolly rotten
There’s something you’ve forgotten
And that’s to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you’re feeling in the dumps
Don’t be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle – that’s the thing.

And…always look on the bright side of life…
Always look on the light side of life…

For life is quite absurd
And death’s the final word
You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Forget about your sin – give the audience a grin
Enjoy it – it’s your
last chance anyhow.

So always look on the bright side of death
Just before you draw your terminal breath

Life’s a piece of shit
When you look at it
Life’s a laugh and death’s a joke, it’s true.
You’ll see it’s all a show
Keep ‘em laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.

And always look on the bright side of life…
Always look on the right side of life…
(Come on guys, cheer up!)
Always look on the bright side of life…
Always look on the bright side of life…
(Worse things happen at sea, you know.)
Always look on the bright side of life…
(I mean – what have you got to lose?)
(You know, you come from nothing – you’re going back to nothing.
What have you lost? Nothing!)
Always look on the right side of life…

from Monty Python, “The Life of Brian”

I’m learning so much from living with this little cat called Pepper.

Simple living at its best.